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penny February 19th, 2007

Ok, hodge-podge thoughts ahead, expect no structure whatsoever. This is me spilling out thoughts that have been wallowing in my brain for the past weeks or so. Thought I’d record them here to get it done and over with =) Don’t say I didn’t warn you about this mental diarrhea.

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Procrastination is the devil. I’ve had several attacks of putting off critical lab work ever since 2007 started. The bad thing about vacations, in this case the recently concluded Yuletide 2006 season, is that, it is so difficult to get back on track. I mean, really, most of how I’ve felt like in the past 5 months is much like how I feel about swimming in the open air. Mental image : Dipping a foot into the water. Jerking leg back on feeling icy cold. Wading inch by inch into the water, until whole body is drenched. Body temperature adjusts. The moment you get back to shore and start to dry, the process repeats.

But now I’m glad to be in that stage of immersion again. Wonder how long it takes to sustain it this time? (I hope up to as far as mid-year, when I plan to visit Manila.) Bah, I realise I am so much like a child on sugar-overdose when it comes to performing a task. When I am focused, I can go for hours tapping away. I don’t really care if most of the time I just keep making mistakes on some runs (especially when learning new programming tools). That’s where the learning happens, eh! Like this morning the bug fix on my logic hit me like a stun gun while I was walking to Uni. I just had to get on my terminal to get it done.

I obsess often about a task that it’s so dangerous to get hooked on working in one moment that I can’t really bother worrying about other tasks. Which is not really a good thing especially when you have several projects running at a time. I mean, I can do it, but it’s just not an efficient way for me to work. It’s kinda frustrating since I’ve pretty much been working on ONE thing since I got here. The other directions of my research plans are practically on a red light. It scares me now, coz now that time is just passing so swiftly, I could very well hit a blank wall at some point and wouldn’t know what to do next!! Oh geez I’m panicking.

I thought multitasking is something women are good at?

Apparently my task-switching gene when it comes to scientific work is non-coding. I wonder if there’s a way to alter that. (Why didn’t I major in Biotechnology? It’s effing interestin’, mate! Oh but maths were just too appealing. No regrets!) I probably can multi-task with other stuff but I guess research is just too big

It’s difficult to maintain a discipline, especially when you are expected to be an adult and be responsible for managing your own timetable. For the past decade I’ve gone with the flow of things that I really didn’t have a need for a planner. Yes there were classes and schedules and appointments and all that juice, but it was so easy to juggle things around that I never really had a chance to fill up a diary of things to do. I know I like to list things down (something Ajay likes to do as well, it’s fun to do!), but when it comes to timetables and calendars I never really bothered with it.

Now it’s a bit impossible to not have a planner. I don’t have regular classes at all, so it can get really screwy when you don’t manage your time. When I took this post in Mark’s lab I thought schedules wouldn’t pose a problem. But it turns out… a big N.O. It’s scary to plan your own deadlines. It’s daunting to set your own time course in accomplishing tasks.

And the thing is, I should have all the time in the world. I don’t have coursework, I don’t have so much domestic issues to attend to. All I have to do is work. The past 5 months, which was a half session (or semester), I had nothing to do but work on my project. My working philosophy in this period was work until you’re tired, take a break, go on trips whenever you feel like it. No structure at all. I have come to opine two things:

++++ Time is horrendously fast.
++++ I work amazingly slow.

I don’t care if it just me, or if both are really true. I have come to terms with it, and now will take action. For this autumn session, I have signed up for a couple of fitness classes, 3 nature trips, and a series of skills workshops. Most of which, I’m sure, my supie would think I don’t really need to do. None of them is essential to my degree. And it will eat up time, a resource that plays a major part on my task-optimisation dilemma. But I have resolved that a regular and systematic deviation from my tasks would be beneficial.

Wish me luck.

• Day to day , Random
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